Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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