You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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