Im at strip club and am horny
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
