I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
