I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
