It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
