I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
