why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
