I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
