I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
