tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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