If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
