Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
