I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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