Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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