I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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