Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he puts the penis in happiness.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
