3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
