yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
