I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
