guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
