Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize