First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
