tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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