Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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