we're blogging at a bar
wanna go halves on a baby?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
