my phone cant type all the emotion im having
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
