you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
