i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
