I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
