3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
