I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
