my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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