dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
