she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
