My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
