last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
