She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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