people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
