Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize