Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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