I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
