Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
