It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Randomize
