I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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