Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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