i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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