C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Everything about him screamed your future.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
