He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize