My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
