drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
