I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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