you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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