You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
