That's when you crack a 10am beer
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
