what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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