i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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