Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
