So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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