hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
