i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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