I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
