I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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