Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
