that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
