When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
