Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
