dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I met the friendliest cop last night
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
