dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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